21 and still figuring everything out.

So here is me, sitting on my bed in my room alone with a cup of tea and a Cadbury milk chocolate. Today is 10 Dec which means that by 12 am tonight or practically 7 am tomorrow I’ll turn 21. Officially 21 and I’m freaking out.

How do I start this? Huh.. so two years ago I decided to fly to Egypt pursuing Islamic Law and Studies here and since now, I’ve learned a lot but first, let me give a short thought. I remember this is never my dream but I vividly remember that this is always my dad’s since I was a kid he always talking about this, and adores any alumni that come back from Egypt particularly Al Azhar Uni.

So, my decision two years ago is one of the scariest and gives a lot of anxiety. I remember not having a good appetite, stressing about coming here but at last I just give it a go and two years later here I am. Still alive.

Last year I made a poem for myself and this year I don’t. I want something else. So I wrote this.

Being a young adult is never easy. It’s scary especially with people like me who happened to have anxiety and ocd. Believe me, you don’t want to be in my mind.

Right now I’m still figuring out what I want to be. What my future is. Whenever people ask me about my future plan I always answer them with anything that comes in mind subconsciously. I’m  never sure. I’m not.  

But with all of that, I’, so thankful for what I have, experience and blessing given to me. Thank you Ibu, Ayah for all the support. There’s nothing can replace all of your sacrifice to me, and all five of us. Thank you all of my teachers, especially Ustaz Rafis who mentored me from I’m 16 until now. May Allah bless your life and reward you with a happy life.

Being 21, I want to start wash away my worries over simple things, and insyAllah start making a video. Post a YouTube video because I always wanted to do that since I was 16 but never happened (never have gut) to published and upload a single video from all of recorded video of me talking to in front of a camera. I want to let go of things that scared me and face it time to time. This year is another year I’m going to pass my exam and slaying this real world.

And now, I know what I must do, and I’m going to continue doing what I have to do and last but not least, whatever happened or haw far I’d go… I still have a lot to learn. Wish me the best for that.

Thank you :)

Choose happiness.

so today is the first of December. Also it's raining in the morning which marks my favorite season of the year; winter!

and it's a month before exam which the typical me... getting anxiety and freaking out over it. I don't know but I guess it's good to maintain my focus and study. Juggling with everything right now it still okay but i just felt i want more and still.. the 'more' is unknown. I'm still searching, still experimenting so that i will not worry on just wasting time or just being ordinary, doing the same thing over and over and not growing and experiencing new things.

so, i want to start this new chapter now, even it's not even new year yet. Wish me well.

not too much, not too deep.

Peace be upon to you.

You know when you slept after Asr (the late afternoon; almost sun set) and you woke up feeling moody, uncertain, sad and confuse? This is the state of my mind right now.

It’s not that I’m insane or what it just somehow calming in this state of mind and I can hear my thought crystal clear and I wanted to jot down this feeling because I woke up just now wondering about a lots of thing. Ya this few days quite a day for me.

Everyday I would walk around and ride the bus going to school and classes, everything going as scheduled but I also lost the track of the things that I had to do with the student association that make me face-palm myself a few times because I am not supposed to forget doing all those work cause I already jot it down on the sticky notes and who knows what happened.

I liked being having a job, work to do and a day filled with stuff to do is satisfying because you know you’re being productive but sometime it’s kind of too much and everything just a messed up.

This new year in uni I tell myself that I don’t want to skip class anymore, even when it’s not my subject to present; and those cozy blanket eating me every morning plus cold fall breeze is quite spirit-killing too. Okay. Note here; I’m might be not stable yet from the post sleeping madness so if you’re like wth right now I understand you. Sorry for this because I’m in the mood of writing down all of this sound in my head.

Another thing to tell, I went to Maher Zain album launching and album signing session 3 hour (THREE HOUR) before the event and went praying Maghrib and came back the space was filled!!!

Here the thing I want to rant about. They don’t even consider making a system so that people can have the signing session like A HUMAN instead they just let people do like uugghhh. Sorry, this is my biggest pet peeves. People cutting lines, chaos and you know what are more disappointing? I was about a few inches from meeting him then they decided to stop the session. I was like @#$%^&*. Thank goodness I was able to pass my album to Pyka; a friend of mine who happened to be strong enough to be in that battlefield hahaha. What a day.

Okay enough with this. Thank you for lending me your time by viewing this, I owe you so much. Bye.

how much is too much?

peace be upon to you. Hello.

so..

been a lot lately but thank goodness; i managed to settled it all. It's another year, a new semester and like previous year, everything is hell yah scary. I'm still figuring out the subject, lecturer's lectures ( especially when they utters the special words for specific things and i'm like... wtheck is that?

also i'm still struggling with laziness of being so spoiled back in Malaysia and it's has been almost a month!

i got a new portfolio this year, as a vice secretary which i'm not really cool about it just because i think people are expecting me soo much in that field and i've been doing that job since like... school. I guess I can try.

enough with that.

Have a special November :)

Alexandrina

Assalamualaikum and hello people.

I just came back from Alexandria for a short-packed vacation with few of my buddies; I guess all of us needed to wind up a little bit before the class is starting and everything is spinning out. Actually it’s not planned at all. It just randomly come to my mind when they said they want to go there “I’m in!” .

Montazah, King Farouk Castle.

It’s quite a nice one although the first one is my favorite. I’ve been there last summer and this time is still not the same. I love that place. I love seashore; I love the sound of the smashing wave, the smell of salty water and the blue-greeny color of the sea. It’s so calming and worth it. Also we walked a lot, hell ya like 30k steps a day and I like it. I always love walking while wandering around…

excuse our tired-face lol.

Also, the people there are different from Cairo like earth and sky differ especially Syrian people who mostly working in food industries there. There’s particular restaurant that I like which is ‘Aruuus Dimasq’ or عروس دمشق at the streets of ‘Asafirah’ عصفرة  and a Syrian ice cream shop which sell one of the best ice cream in the world, Trifillo at the same place just in front of the sea. The people who works there are also nice, eye-catchy and surprisingly… they can speak English well!

I was having Faransawi Syawerma and I tell you what, it's nyummy!

the must-try ice cream here!

Not to forget, I personally think that Egyptians like native Alexandrian are differ than one in Cairo just by their common courtesy. For an instance, most of the drivers will stop/slower their vehicles and stopped others beside and behind just to let you crossed the streets and that is a very major common courtesy that I think rarely happened in Cairo. Secondly, when I was in a train and I offer an old lady my seat and she happily thanked me and asked me if there’s anything that I’m selling so that she can buy *how nice is that?* and one time we (our group) in bus one of us offered an old man a seat and he thanked him and asked my friend to leave his bag to him so it would not burden him and.. the list goes on and on.

Citadel of Qaitbay.

Sorry for this quite a long rant but I just felt like typing down this though out  and… here some of the photos that I managed to capture when I was there; or you may view it through my Instagram account.

I guess that is it. I definitely am coming back there, if I may and with that… thank you for reading.

off coldness and coziness.

Well hello October. Hello my favorite time of the year; fall/winter. I love the cold, coziness of this time when you get to be in the warmness of the blanket, having a hot cup of tea and yeah.. night get longer than day.

Class didn’t start yet so I got a few time to figuring out few things, also I finally started to read me before you by Jojo Moyes and all I can say I regret myself for watching the movie first rather than read it so that the movie will make a lot of sense. Note to self: next time, read it before watching it!

Another thing is… sports shoes here are crazily expensive! Like triple the price! I was about to buy an adidas shoes back in Malaysia but I thought I still can buy that in here but yeah… I need to think for the second time when figuring out the price, hahahaha. I ended up buying a new coat for winter since I need that anytime soon. The shoe? maybe next time.

Hurm, I’m feeling quite homesick especially the food! But yeah.. I know I belong here so, stay strong!  I don’t really worry about this semester’s subject but next semester is quite a challenge. I guess this time is not only I need to change the gear but also the maintenance. Hahahaha.

I guess that is all. Bye :)

too much to brain.

assalamuaaikum and hello.

this week, quite a lot happened ad quite a lot to brain, digest.

it's like i have a tons of things in my shoulder and i don't know how to get rid of it. I guess this will help.

I've been wanting to write this  for about few days ago but live is super hectic and busy and i ended up sleeping rather than writing this (i usually do it nightime) but now it's early in the morning.

today i'm leaving to KLIA and tomorrow i got a flight to catch at 9 am which mean i have to check in at 6 am. 2 months is too short. it's all i can say. Writing this right now, i am already homesick, missing lots of things and i don't there're a lots of things happened and i'll break it down one by one.

maybe i love my homeland, more than anything  but i guess this place doesn't belong to me at least for now. I have a lot of responsibilities and work to do over there and i guess i just have to go for it in about another 3 years.

secondly, one of who i refer as my best, best friend (actually to be exact is my teacher) is sick right now. and i feel bad to the fact that i'm not there if anything happened. all i can do right now is a hoping, praying.

lastly, to anyone who expect this blog will be written in a very very great bombastic English grammatically and writing, this is not a perfect place for you.

i not good at English AT ALL. i'm doing this just to express ,myself and the most important, to improve it. i studied with 95% of my subject in uni is in Arabic.

bye.

i, don't know.

huh.

Been a month he in Malaysia. I'm happy here but i belong to somewhere else, for the time being. I guess my plan are not really going exactly as it is but i guess it's still in the track.

i don't want to think too much about what is going on (work, stuff) over in Egypt in other words i want to enjoy this moment; as i only have about less than a month to do that, but i just can't.

also, this time being ... i've been realizing that i'm still floating. Don't know really know what i want really to do, to be in the future. okay. another rant. excuse me.

all of this because i have to choose between expectation and myself. it's easy to say that one should have follow his/her dream over other's expectation but i just don't know.

i don't have that much of courage, or this is a normal thing. It's normal to have this kinda feeling? huh.

we'll see.

sorry. everything is out of the point. actually i am pointless. aha.
till then.

gif are from http://holygrailofgifs.tumblr.com/

Success is hard, to maintain it is harder.

so i was having this conversation with on of my close acquaintance who is my ex-teacher back in school days about maintaining my exam result.

oh ya, Alhamdulillah thank Allah i pass this year.

i know maybe personal life target for anybody is different but i mean let me just define the success as not repeating another year at uni/college as fyi in Al Azhar that is a common thing.

so this year i got like 4 subjects for the first semester (which is okay) and 7 on the second semester (okay, i already got panic attack by thinking about this)plus 1 each from my last exam.
Huh, it's a long way to go.

i know that passing exam is not 100% from our self rather it's more to God's plan for us but i do think if we give our 100% to it (and of course, study smart) it'll be okay and i realized that last year i still got a few % that is still not right and i got to fix that, or this year is no chance.

also yah, i still have to juggle all the student's association work but nahh, it's not really that bad and i have everything is going to be well, and  yours too. Amin.

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." Arthur Ashe

Till then.

credit : http://holygrailofgifs.tumblr.com/

so, how is Malaysia?

so,

i am in Malaysia now. Been almost a month now and i got a month left before coming back, for another year in Egypt.

i have quite a blast before coming back to home; as we have quite an adventurous vacation in Alexandria and i'll blog that later lah. Not in that mood, hahaha.

back to the point; i get the same question from friends over in Egypt asking this question everytime;

" so, how is Malaysia?"

 okay maybe not like overall Malaysia, i'd say how is Perlis particularly as i think there're too many things going on to write over here about Malaysia for the time being. 

i would say Perlis is getting better, in development; also lots of hipster cafe growing up like mushroom after rain. Idon't get to try any of them yet but i do have a list (but still don't know when to go).

Now Perlis have Giant supermarket and still Kparc is still in development well it's nice but there's one day i went to The Store or Kangar particularly i found out that here in Kangar seems like not much of a town. I guess people already have better options like cMart (Even cMart too). I am here not to say that all of this huge improvement in the aspect of development is not good but i do think personally why bother adding another while the remaining is seems struggling?

or maybe it's just in my head. Forget it.

oh ya, one more thing.

now we got GST (before I went to Egypt there is no such thing) meaning that everything is pricier that before but my mind is still in Egypt in term of pricing of goods. hahahaha

i even bought almost RM400 of books thinking that i still can divide them like in Egyptian Pounds and now i'm broke.

huhh,

i still love my tanah tumpah darahku; 

and still got my #ProjekMenternakLemakHadiMuss going am i am on a mission to scratch the lists of food that i want to eat while in here. 

till then, bye.

oh ya, it's Syawal already.

peace be upon to you.

so been a month actually and this time of Ramadhan, do change me. everything is different and i glad it did. Also Raya is different this year with a twist of excited-ness, which i am so great full that i'm okay with the decision to stay for Raya here, in Egypt.

last night i get to chat with a friend who I've been looking forward to have a talk with him, and i gl;ad everything going well because it's been a long time since i hadn't have a long chat of big ideas and something, that realy suites me well.

then i realizes that i am very small, compared to him, even though he is in my age but the maturity of his knowledge is beyond. Beyond what he looks like. i learned that i have a lot, a lot to discover, to LEARN.

i guess this new ,month is a good start, to really plan everything right.

have a great day, People.

Ramadhan *realistic* goals.

Peace be upon to you.

This post was written with my stream of consciousness, not planned at all and I’m sorry if it’s quite random.

I know Ramadhan is already here and this post might be quite late but I always believe that you are never too late until you already done with it, and our journey is way too long. Make it count.

To some of my readers who don’t know what Ramadhan is, it is a month;  seventh month of Islamic Hijri calendar where all of Muslims fast, restraining our self from food, drinks and stuff that can break the fast, as an act of spiritual cleansing or ibadah (act of pray, I don’t have the perfect words to put here) from dust to dawn.

First. Why do we need goals at the first place? Well… I think it’s nice to have something to achieve to enhance our ability, to make this whole time because Ramadhan is the time where Allah gave a lots of His chance, rewards and based on I know (I’m an Islamic law student, and one of my favorite subject to look  up to is Islamic Jurisprudence) and in it fasting (in Ramadhan) is ‘wajib mudhayya’ the obligations with limitations where you only have one month to fast. That’s all. Why not have a good plan on making this whole time the best of us?

Okay, let’s get to the main point.

I think it would be nice if we have a top 3 goals that we really want to achieve like;

1.       Read the whole Quran in a month.

2.       Stop smoking.

3.       Donate to the people in needs

 and give our full attention and focus to this three, if you have more just put it there but know your limits and start making it work. If you have other things that you want to achieve but not really as important as your top 3, make a general list so you can always review it.

Ramadhan is a perfect time, to change our inner self, from bad habits stuff. I hope everybody is in good shape and time and this little writing helps you, or at least give you an idea on making our best Ramadhan this year.

I guess that’s all.

Bye.

credits; https://www.tumblr.com/theshawllabel

Another chapters.

hi.

quite a while i'm not writing here, mainly because i'm quite busy with exam and now hey, i'm back!

and now, yeah right now it's a lot to process. What to do, next on and on. Alhamdulillah Ramadhan is here and but let me spare the story in another post later, hahahaha.

second, i'm going back to Malaysia but the thing is i'm not back for raya like most of the people but after raya. Which is a long story to be told and i'm  not in the mood of writing a long sentences. Pardon me.

and i guess this post is just a mere update to this blog, so i won't look like i don't care to update, duhh.

and stay tuned.

bye :)

Rules for being amazing

1.       Risk more than is required.

2.       Learn more than is normal.

3.       Show courage. Be strong. Breathe. Excel. Love.

4.       Lead. Speak the truth. Live your values.

5.       Laugh. Cry. Innovate.  Simplify. Adore mastery.

6.       Release mediocrity. Aim for genius. Stay humble.

7.       Be kinder than expected.

8.       Deliver more than is needed. Exclude passion.

9.       Shatter your limits. Transcend your fears.

10.   Inspire others by your bigness.

11.   Dream big but start small.

12.   Act now. Don’t stop.

13.   Change the world!

Common Courtesy.

I just finished reading Ellen DeGeneres’s book, [Seriously … I’m kidding] just in a day and I would say it’s quite a good book (I was searching for this particular book for a long, long time and then I found it at Virgin Megastores for LE156. Without doubt I just grab it even though it’s quite expensive. Here’s some tips that I learn after a few experiences; if you like something, just get it or you’ll never have it.

I like Ellen. I like her sense of humor, her wits and her trademark that she said at the end of her show “be kind to one another”. I find that she is very inspiring to me.

Well, there is a particular chapter in this book that bring me here, sitting in front of this laptop to write down this, this particular subject  that might sound cliché as it can be but I do think we need to do something about it. We need to change it.

That chapter she wrote about common courtesy on how she likes to be early and hate when people are late. So do me. I hate to be late because I too, have kind a sense of respect go people’s time and secondly because my watch was set to be 10 minutes early on purpose.  It is just annoying when people bring the term “common Malay behavior” when every time on a meeting or date you have to expect people will be late and so on.

Also when we talked about this, it brings us to the level of mentality of our people (Malay, Malaysian?) that maybe I’m stereotyping but it does happened, all the time to me. Maybe when a person is late in about 3-5 minutes that might be acceptable but 1 hour? You got to have good reason on that like your cats got sick or anything, maybe not traffic jam or … I don’t know.

The thing is this. Being early on anything you’re up to is not just about being able to keep on track of your plan and able to work it efficiently but also about respect and common courtesy that I think we need to change the way we look on that, as right now I think it is socially acceptable to be late as it is not a big deal or it’s a small matter. Maybe you think it’s a small stuff and I’ll leave that to you but considering all of the possible consequences that might happen; it is a big deal, to me.

Last but not least, it’s not that hard to just be ready earlier than we should, as it’s also a good habit and maybe it’s more than that like saying ‘thank you’, ‘please’ or just be kind to one another. It’s just a simple manner that was taught when we were kids. Above of all of this writing, my point is it’s nice to be punctual, to be on time.

Please,

Thank you.

Inner peace.

Today I decided to cut my hair short. Number two to be exact. Been a long time actually I didn’t do like that, and it does feels comforting.

When I was a junior in high school, I never had a quite a long hair as my mom never like that. She like us, I mean my siblings to have short hair like my dad  and I always insecure about that because most people like to make fun of that scenario. Yes, having a short hair is not a cool thing in my school.

Time by time I start to rebel and yeah since I’m started to grow old, that is not a thing that my mom can control and so does happened to all my brothers, and I know the feeling very well

The thing is, I like having a quite long hair but also by having that I realize that I need to concern on a few things like dandruff, or basically log hair problems *eventually your hair need an extra care too.

Well, the point is today I kind of have a feeling of free, and loving my choice even though there are a few peoples who quite shock and I expect that, not less some of that making fun of that (well I didn’t understand that either, and having short hair is called bald which is etymologically wrong to say that.) also, bald shaming is real. HAHAHA

Somehow there’s a lot decisions that I didn’t make because of fear, dogma and I’m trying to beat that, one by one.

“The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.” – Kourt K.

care, free.

I can’t exactly tell when I decided to just be myself, be truth to who I am and just ignore sh*** people threw at me.

Now I’m carefree.

Okay, here’s the thing.

I used to be very insecure on my personal behavior, the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I move my hands; almost everything of my personality just because people use to call me sissy and the most annoying (like wtfish?) question that I got is

“Why do you act like a girl?”.

It’s hurt and still now but I just don’t care about it as much as I did before.

I don’t even make things up, like how do you control the way you talk, the way you walk the way you lived??? It’s just came out like it is the way it is.

Well, there are two types of people who asked these questions.

1.       The one who would like to mock me, or just they’re happy making people feel bad about themselves.

2.       The people who concern and care about me or above.

Huh.

The first category are most of them are just jerks who don’t have a life and you know, losers but the second one, as the times goes the might accept that, or I don’t know. I couldn’t care more about that.

And here’s some piece of advice to anyone who struggling the same thing that I used to face ;

Be proud of yourself. Be true to who you are. Don’t waste your time and energy on those peoples, those stuff.

You worth more than that.

With that,

Be Happy.

 

frem tumblr.com

I Lived - One Republic.

Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I'll say

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Oh, oh, oh, oh

With every broken bone, I swear I lived
With every broken bone, I swear I

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Oh, oh, oh, oh

I swear I lived, ohhh
I swear I lived, ohhh

Loss and acceptance.

Few days ago my dear friends lost him beloved mother, al fatihah.

That struck us hard, especially when realizing him, being apart for three years and that is really deeply sad. Today in one of our meeting he dedicated a song for her, and the atmosphere is just blue and I almost cry. Almost.

The love and compassion of that moment is so genuine and pure and that drive me to record  that moment, here.

That brought me to realize that both of my parents, beloved one or even me, I will die. Eventually we have to accept that no matter what. It’s just me thinking that if I am at him place how I overcome that. Ho w do I be? Am I strong enough? Am I ready?

Wan, if you read this, I wish Allah grant you an everlasting sabr and I wish all the best for you.

and this post, I dedicate to my ibu (mom), who always be at my back, support me no matter what even though when other people see me as a mess, you always comfort me. And I want you to know that I’m so blessed, more than thank you that I have you, as my mom. I want you to know that I love you so much and I hope Allah always bless you in his everlasting mercy and blessing.

And Ayah (dad), thank you for all the support, the courage and all the effort that you had done to raise me, and us and I love you both more than I can describe here, deep in my heart.

and with that, 

assalamualaikum.

midnight rants.

A few nights ago I went to Hardees, having a late night supper as I’m quite hungry. I went there with Hadi, a good friend of mine who we share the same name.

The thing is I just felt quite relaxing and the vibe is so good that I can’t explain how satisfying it is. It’s been a long time that we don’t have a good time chit chatting about current life.

And I guess one of the reasons that make me wanted to have a good time with him is because we’re quite close to each other in high school but not now. I mean, we don’t go to the same place to classs even though in the same university. And the fact that he’s moving out soon from students house make me overthink of myself not having him around might be you know, awkward.

The place (Hardees) is warm, quiet and calm so the situation is quite engaging.

I guess I need to be more socially better as I might not have lots of time to spend with him, more.

It’s hard to trust anyone, here because trust is too expensive to give to worthless people, and I knew little who qualified to shares that.

Or am I too clingy too scared or whateves.

Ugh.

Enough for now.

Messy Marchy

aha.

asalamualaikum. at last i have courage to write over here.

i guess i'm not that really crazy busy but i do have certain work need to be settled, asap and i sometimes not capable of doing any of it.

and also i think i already flew my mind to Malaysia and it's not good. i still got 2nd semester exam to be faced; and it's  a few month that i still have sttle all my work here.

hurm, i quite struggling with the most of the subject this semester but yeah, i guess i need to figure something out.

and lately there're  a lot of weird dream and i guess it's just a dream.

life been good; but sometimes i just lost in the hustle and bustle of it. pheww.

the next chapter.

February is going to end and there are so many things that I want to write but I guess I’ll just stick to the important one.

The winter break is fine, I got lots of work here to do and also I learned so much.

I am a person who doesn’t like to depend to others; I like to do things on my own. It felt better than giving so much hope to a single ‘human’. Call me a loner, ya right but the thing is when once you try to get everybody involved there’s nobody shows up and from that I’m comfortable doing all alone.

Yes, it’s exhausting but I can’t help but doing that over and over.

Okeyh. Full stop here.

Oh ya, I would like to tribute a special thanks to Ust. Nazim who believe in me to be the mc for the DYTM Tuanku Raja Muda Perlis’ event. It is an amazing experience J

And also my two sifus, who guided with all of the protocols and etc..

Now it’s time to start focusing to classes, another mountain to be moved.

Winter break.

assalamualaikum and hi.

been a long time,
i do plan to update my blog but duhh, the temptation of not doing it far bigger that doing it. Plus, this holiday is quite a lot to do.

and this year Cairo International book fair is something. I spend over 1K on books alone. I even used my emergency money and i do regret it, now. hahahaha

even though i didn't plan a vacation but thanks to KPP they organized a short vacay so at least i have one. I don't know all the plan is not doing good this holiday but yeah, everything is fine. I guess i had enough.

ok, i belanjee satu. ahahahahahaaha

anyway kuliah already started and celah-celah ni His Highness is coming and there's a lot to do. a lot to bla bla blla.

well, everything is fine.

till then though, Bye.

post exam blues.

Phew.

This semester is done and now I’m having a floating-like feeling (because seriously, I don’t even plan anything special for this winter break while most of my friends already pack their bag, going somewhere). Well, actually yesterday is quite a mind-shattering day. I’ve never been so insecure about the exam except about this particular subject.

But I had done all the things that I could and if I failed (I wish I’m not) I accept it.  Well, everything happened for a reason.

God know best, even you don’t even know yourself.

 And I would like to start living this moment.

not - too - deep.

Hi, January.

Been a while since all my focus is poured all into the exam mode. Somehow this is one of the major goosebumps I had ever felt but Alhamdulillah somehow I manage to face it well. So far everything had been good, but there is a particular feeling that actually struck me this examination week and it’s the same when I first decided to just go on with STAM and face the exam.

It felt so hopefull but yet fragile and uncertain. it’s when you doubt yourself when you already done the best of you. I admit that I always have that type of insecurity but I manage to go through that easily this time because of one thing.

Tawakkal.

I know this might sounds cheesy or blehh but it does calm me up.

I decided that i have to do all the best I can and let Allah do His part which is the result and amazingly it just so relieving even though there’re some question in the test that I have no confident at all that it’s acceptable but yet that’s the best I can do.

And if I have to retake the exam I accept that. There’s always hikmah in every cause. And I deeply believe in it.

4 papers to go.