When you rest you rust – Oscar de La Renta.

It’s been a few day since winter break and it’s a long time ahead of winter break since I finished the exam early this year. At first I don’t think that I want to do anything but realizing that I have tons of time and a seminar to go to that require a reading process of a mind-struggling books, I’m good.

So starting 3 days ago I’ve been filling my time with outings, finding stuff to do and I like my day planned at least a day before because I’m good like that. There’re plenty of movies, tv shows available but it’s seems so… time wasting. I enjoy killing my time with that but sitting for a few hours doing nothing is not my vibe. I need a better idea.

I actually put that saying of the late Mr de La Renta infront of my bed to remind me to avoid too much resting. I’m quite intimidated by the idea of not achieving anything but here I am.

*in the middle of this writing, I was interrupted of my junior asking for notes and question; apparently I lost my point but I’ll post this anyway.

Heyy! it's 2017 already !!!

Yes. My exam is done and all is well. Let’s just keep that topic away because I’m not really in the mood for exam. Yep, it’s already a new year and I lost the track of it since my examination start on the first Jan and end by now but I do make a resolution and let me make this clear, that my last year was realistic and 75% achieved. This year; it will be 100% (I hope).

                Know what, since then I’ve been thinking that my writing is so bad especially in English; with all the grammar and words while there’s no way I can learn English again properly so maybe I  should just self-taught myself. I’ve made a list of bunch of books I want to get at the upcoming book festival and I hope it worked *finger crossed*.

                Like the last year situation, I didn’t make any plan to travel while almost all of my colleagues are on their way with all-packed bags going somewhere while I’m still in my bed figuring which book to read and not feeling to go out or doing anything physical which in my concern that it’s not good and I guess I have to make a plan for this winter break.

                Did I tell you that I want to write more on this blog? Nope? Yup… this year I wanted to stick to the one-post-at-least-per-month and let’s see what’s going to happen.   Until then, see ya!

21 and still figuring everything out.

So here is me, sitting on my bed in my room alone with a cup of tea and a Cadbury milk chocolate. Today is 10 Dec which means that by 12 am tonight or practically 7 am tomorrow I’ll turn 21. Officially 21 and I’m freaking out.

How do I start this? Huh.. so two years ago I decided to fly to Egypt pursuing Islamic Law and Studies here and since now, I’ve learned a lot but first, let me give a short thought. I remember this is never my dream but I vividly remember that this is always my dad’s since I was a kid he always talking about this, and adores any alumni that come back from Egypt particularly Al Azhar Uni.

So, my decision two years ago is one of the scariest and gives a lot of anxiety. I remember not having a good appetite, stressing about coming here but at last I just give it a go and two years later here I am. Still alive.

Last year I made a poem for myself and this year I don’t. I want something else. So I wrote this.

Being a young adult is never easy. It’s scary especially with people like me who happened to have anxiety and ocd. Believe me, you don’t want to be in my mind.

Right now I’m still figuring out what I want to be. What my future is. Whenever people ask me about my future plan I always answer them with anything that comes in mind subconsciously. I’m  never sure. I’m not.  

But with all of that, I’, so thankful for what I have, experience and blessing given to me. Thank you Ibu, Ayah for all the support. There’s nothing can replace all of your sacrifice to me, and all five of us. Thank you all of my teachers, especially Ustaz Rafis who mentored me from I’m 16 until now. May Allah bless your life and reward you with a happy life.

Being 21, I want to start wash away my worries over simple things, and insyAllah start making a video. Post a YouTube video because I always wanted to do that since I was 16 but never happened (never have gut) to published and upload a single video from all of recorded video of me talking to in front of a camera. I want to let go of things that scared me and face it time to time. This year is another year I’m going to pass my exam and slaying this real world.

And now, I know what I must do, and I’m going to continue doing what I have to do and last but not least, whatever happened or haw far I’d go… I still have a lot to learn. Wish me the best for that.

Thank you :)

Choose happiness.

so today is the first of December. Also it's raining in the morning which marks my favorite season of the year; winter!

and it's a month before exam which the typical me... getting anxiety and freaking out over it. I don't know but I guess it's good to maintain my focus and study. Juggling with everything right now it still okay but i just felt i want more and still.. the 'more' is unknown. I'm still searching, still experimenting so that i will not worry on just wasting time or just being ordinary, doing the same thing over and over and not growing and experiencing new things.

so, i want to start this new chapter now, even it's not even new year yet. Wish me well.

not too much, not too deep.

Peace be upon to you.

You know when you slept after Asr (the late afternoon; almost sun set) and you woke up feeling moody, uncertain, sad and confuse? This is the state of my mind right now.

It’s not that I’m insane or what it just somehow calming in this state of mind and I can hear my thought crystal clear and I wanted to jot down this feeling because I woke up just now wondering about a lots of thing. Ya this few days quite a day for me.

Everyday I would walk around and ride the bus going to school and classes, everything going as scheduled but I also lost the track of the things that I had to do with the student association that make me face-palm myself a few times because I am not supposed to forget doing all those work cause I already jot it down on the sticky notes and who knows what happened.

I liked being having a job, work to do and a day filled with stuff to do is satisfying because you know you’re being productive but sometime it’s kind of too much and everything just a messed up.

This new year in uni I tell myself that I don’t want to skip class anymore, even when it’s not my subject to present; and those cozy blanket eating me every morning plus cold fall breeze is quite spirit-killing too. Okay. Note here; I’m might be not stable yet from the post sleeping madness so if you’re like wth right now I understand you. Sorry for this because I’m in the mood of writing down all of this sound in my head.

Another thing to tell, I went to Maher Zain album launching and album signing session 3 hour (THREE HOUR) before the event and went praying Maghrib and came back the space was filled!!!

Here the thing I want to rant about. They don’t even consider making a system so that people can have the signing session like A HUMAN instead they just let people do like uugghhh. Sorry, this is my biggest pet peeves. People cutting lines, chaos and you know what are more disappointing? I was about a few inches from meeting him then they decided to stop the session. I was like @#$%^&*. Thank goodness I was able to pass my album to Pyka; a friend of mine who happened to be strong enough to be in that battlefield hahaha. What a day.

Okay enough with this. Thank you for lending me your time by viewing this, I owe you so much. Bye.