Making peace, with myself.

This is a self-acceptance post that might be a long one or maybe just a few line of sentence. I don’t know. We’ll see.

So I just sit for my first paper for final today and it’s not good. I struggled answering most of the questions like I used to answer previous tests; confident and convinced. A few days back my oral test was also not really promising.

But yeah, here I am.. having my dark chocolate digestive biscuit with a can of fruit sparkling writing this as a reminder to myself, of how much this feeling, right now even after a very tiring midnight study and it’s not even half pass all of the subjects but I just want to write here that maybe sometimes we need that feeling of failing, falling.

And here I am, making peace with myself that not everything that you had done all of your best will turn as you expected.

Sometime you need to feel the struggle is it demands you feel it, that it exist and you need to do something, did your best and let the God handle the rest.

Hadi, be peace.

random.

here i am. in front of my laptop back after a full hectic busy week. for those who had read previous post might be like; "the heck this dude?."

yes, i decided to get rid of this blog and make a new one but for some reason the problem that i'm having with this blog solved.

here i am now writing in here again.

maybe i'm gonna post more, after exam. (i hope).

i guess.

moving on :)

hello reader!

so, straight to the point actually I was having trouble with my blog, which annoys me everytime so i decided to start a new one.

my new blog will be

whenhadiwrites.wordpress.com

feel free to visit there but in the meantime, i'm still working with all the technical stuff.

see ya!

Sinai-Dahab-Sharm Sheikh travelogue part 1

I just posted one of 600 ++ photos available of my vacation recently on instagram and the memories struck like really I felt like going to that moment back, again.

I’m glad that I’ve decided to join the trip this time, at the right moment and right people to be crazy with. It was almost 12 hours travel by bus but the place is so beautiful. I wish I have Polaroid with me. We went by bus at 2am and managed to reach St. Catherine and check in to the hotel at 3pm that day. We did a little warm up at Wadi Arbain where the rock that had been knocked by Moses which happened to produce 12 source of water still there.

Also I forgot to mention we visited the Bar Liev fort that belong to Israelite army but Egyptians Army manage to confiscate that fort in 6 days.

1 in the morning we went climbing and I have no words on that experience. Tiring but it’s worth it. Here’re my few tips:

1.       Good companies keep you motivated.

2.       Bring snickers, mars or energy bars.

3.       Limit your water consumption because the loo there is not the best.

4.       A good pair of shoes helps.

And the last place which is the top of the mountain is so amazing with the sun rise on point. I love that moment so much. I wish I have a better word for that moment but naah. I wish who read this will have an opportunity to visit there someday!

the place was somehow like a village and as i googled, it says that this is the place where prophet Elijah hide from Jezabel.

Way back from climbing the mountain, we managed to visit a few tomb of prophets, historical places before heading back and packing for Dahab.

it's a fake smile. i'm dying inside lol.

the tomb

I guess I’m gonna need part 2 for Dahab. Untill here,

Bye.

on TFIOS by John Green.

I just read the fault in our stars by John Green. Yes, I know I’m awfully late but watched the movie already. I know how to expect but the movie did move me in a way of watching a movie can that is why I liked to read. Reading gives you something more that you can grasp through it.

I don’t intend to write anything like a review or maybe it is but here the thing;

That book makes think lots of stuff. About death, dying, loosing someone you love. Something that at last all human will have a taste of it. Although that book portrays all of those in a different perspective than mine but I think the feeling (maybe not all) is mutual.

The uncertainty of all of that somehow so scary and caused anxiety but all I can say is, those feeling demand to be felt like John Green said pain is demanded to be felt and by that we can moves on.

Two days ago, my dad was admitted to HDU in Kedah Medical Center, due to problems in his lungs and that affected his heart. Alhamdulillah he’s okay now. The thing is, first; that is quite serious and I tell you, I cry a bit scared of anything that might happen. Secondly, I guess even thought I am aware of the fact that I’ve left my family few hundred miles  and might lose them in any time without able to be at their side but I’m still not ready for all of those probabilities. I am not and I don’t think anyone ever be ready.

Back to the book, I like the way the author convey the story. It is quite cliché in a way it is but still it is a good book for anyone who want to try young adult novels.

I guess this is it. Bye .

January notes?

So here we go. 

I just told myself that after brushing my tooth, while shutting down my laptop I want to sleep. End of story but now I’m sitting in my bed typing this. So as my goal this year to at least update this blog regularly; keeping that goal realistic is what I am trying right now. Even though I don’t really share my blog to people and that’s no point on doing that as my writing is shit.  Tomorrow most of my friends are going to Mount Sinai and Dahab which quite a nice place but I cancelled it last minute just merely because I don’t feel like going. Well, I still got time, 2 years ahead is quite plenty and may Allah will.

So, how is my winter break?

GOOD.

I went to Islamic Art museum which is quite funny to me going to a museum like we had a clue but discovering new things is awesome. Then we go to climb Bab Zuweyla tower, and it’s quite scary. Apparently I am an acrophobia person (scared of heights) but the scenery is worth paying 10 pounds. The whole days is very tiring but spend well.

International book fair has started but I didn’t go on the first few days as I voluntarily joined myself a 4 days program called WISE which I am glad I did. I must admit that at first I am quite lazy to fill up the online registration and answering questions but I managed to be chosen to be part of the 200 pounds program which I am grateful and happy I did joined.  I benefited so much on the whole 4 days and having the chance to meet such amazing person who clarify lots of uncertainty and blurred answer in my mind really making me full and literally, wise.

Picture is taken from WISE facebook page @WISE.Mesir

So, here I am again planning over tomorrow. Actually I got things to do but we’ll so hoe it goes. I didn’t regret not going there because my best friend is not going too so Book fair, here we go! Although I don’t have a full final list on what books I want to get maybe just wandering around there is better than hibernating huh?

Okay, I guess last but not least I just started reading the fault in our stars by John Green and yup, I know I’m late and I’ve seen the movies and reading it is quite easier. I haven’t read anything serious since last month. Exam demand a lots of my time on notes and tutorials. I guess that is all with half of my winter break and with this, I end my writing.

Adios.

When you rest you rust – Oscar de La Renta.

It’s been a few day since winter break and it’s a long time ahead of winter break since I finished the exam early this year. At first I don’t think that I want to do anything but realizing that I have tons of time and a seminar to go to that require a reading process of a mind-struggling books, I’m good.

So starting 3 days ago I’ve been filling my time with outings, finding stuff to do and I like my day planned at least a day before because I’m good like that. There’re plenty of movies, tv shows available but it’s seems so… time wasting. I enjoy killing my time with that but sitting for a few hours doing nothing is not my vibe. I need a better idea.

I actually put that saying of the late Mr de La Renta infront of my bed to remind me to avoid too much resting. I’m quite intimidated by the idea of not achieving anything but here I am.

*in the middle of this writing, I was interrupted of my junior asking for notes and question; apparently I lost my point but I’ll post this anyway.

Heyy! it's 2017 already !!!

Yes. My exam is done and all is well. Let’s just keep that topic away because I’m not really in the mood for exam. Yep, it’s already a new year and I lost the track of it since my examination start on the first Jan and end by now but I do make a resolution and let me make this clear, that my last year was realistic and 75% achieved. This year; it will be 100% (I hope).

                Know what, since then I’ve been thinking that my writing is so bad especially in English; with all the grammar and words while there’s no way I can learn English again properly so maybe I  should just self-taught myself. I’ve made a list of bunch of books I want to get at the upcoming book festival and I hope it worked *finger crossed*.

                Like the last year situation, I didn’t make any plan to travel while almost all of my colleagues are on their way with all-packed bags going somewhere while I’m still in my bed figuring which book to read and not feeling to go out or doing anything physical which in my concern that it’s not good and I guess I have to make a plan for this winter break.

                Did I tell you that I want to write more on this blog? Nope? Yup… this year I wanted to stick to the one-post-at-least-per-month and let’s see what’s going to happen.   Until then, see ya!

21 and still figuring everything out.

So here is me, sitting on my bed in my room alone with a cup of tea and a Cadbury milk chocolate. Today is 10 Dec which means that by 12 am tonight or practically 7 am tomorrow I’ll turn 21. Officially 21 and I’m freaking out.

How do I start this? Huh.. so two years ago I decided to fly to Egypt pursuing Islamic Law and Studies here and since now, I’ve learned a lot but first, let me give a short thought. I remember this is never my dream but I vividly remember that this is always my dad’s since I was a kid he always talking about this, and adores any alumni that come back from Egypt particularly Al Azhar Uni.

So, my decision two years ago is one of the scariest and gives a lot of anxiety. I remember not having a good appetite, stressing about coming here but at last I just give it a go and two years later here I am. Still alive.

Last year I made a poem for myself and this year I don’t. I want something else. So I wrote this.

Being a young adult is never easy. It’s scary especially with people like me who happened to have anxiety and ocd. Believe me, you don’t want to be in my mind.

Right now I’m still figuring out what I want to be. What my future is. Whenever people ask me about my future plan I always answer them with anything that comes in mind subconsciously. I’m  never sure. I’m not.  

But with all of that, I’, so thankful for what I have, experience and blessing given to me. Thank you Ibu, Ayah for all the support. There’s nothing can replace all of your sacrifice to me, and all five of us. Thank you all of my teachers, especially Ustaz Rafis who mentored me from I’m 16 until now. May Allah bless your life and reward you with a happy life.

Being 21, I want to start wash away my worries over simple things, and insyAllah start making a video. Post a YouTube video because I always wanted to do that since I was 16 but never happened (never have gut) to published and upload a single video from all of recorded video of me talking to in front of a camera. I want to let go of things that scared me and face it time to time. This year is another year I’m going to pass my exam and slaying this real world.

And now, I know what I must do, and I’m going to continue doing what I have to do and last but not least, whatever happened or haw far I’d go… I still have a lot to learn. Wish me the best for that.

Thank you :)

Choose happiness.

so today is the first of December. Also it's raining in the morning which marks my favorite season of the year; winter!

and it's a month before exam which the typical me... getting anxiety and freaking out over it. I don't know but I guess it's good to maintain my focus and study. Juggling with everything right now it still okay but i just felt i want more and still.. the 'more' is unknown. I'm still searching, still experimenting so that i will not worry on just wasting time or just being ordinary, doing the same thing over and over and not growing and experiencing new things.

so, i want to start this new chapter now, even it's not even new year yet. Wish me well.

not too much, not too deep.

Peace be upon to you.

You know when you slept after Asr (the late afternoon; almost sun set) and you woke up feeling moody, uncertain, sad and confuse? This is the state of my mind right now.

It’s not that I’m insane or what it just somehow calming in this state of mind and I can hear my thought crystal clear and I wanted to jot down this feeling because I woke up just now wondering about a lots of thing. Ya this few days quite a day for me.

Everyday I would walk around and ride the bus going to school and classes, everything going as scheduled but I also lost the track of the things that I had to do with the student association that make me face-palm myself a few times because I am not supposed to forget doing all those work cause I already jot it down on the sticky notes and who knows what happened.

I liked being having a job, work to do and a day filled with stuff to do is satisfying because you know you’re being productive but sometime it’s kind of too much and everything just a messed up.

This new year in uni I tell myself that I don’t want to skip class anymore, even when it’s not my subject to present; and those cozy blanket eating me every morning plus cold fall breeze is quite spirit-killing too. Okay. Note here; I’m might be not stable yet from the post sleeping madness so if you’re like wth right now I understand you. Sorry for this because I’m in the mood of writing down all of this sound in my head.

Another thing to tell, I went to Maher Zain album launching and album signing session 3 hour (THREE HOUR) before the event and went praying Maghrib and came back the space was filled!!!

Here the thing I want to rant about. They don’t even consider making a system so that people can have the signing session like A HUMAN instead they just let people do like uugghhh. Sorry, this is my biggest pet peeves. People cutting lines, chaos and you know what are more disappointing? I was about a few inches from meeting him then they decided to stop the session. I was like @#$%^&*. Thank goodness I was able to pass my album to Pyka; a friend of mine who happened to be strong enough to be in that battlefield hahaha. What a day.

Okay enough with this. Thank you for lending me your time by viewing this, I owe you so much. Bye.

how much is too much?

peace be upon to you. Hello.

so..

been a lot lately but thank goodness; i managed to settled it all. It's another year, a new semester and like previous year, everything is hell yah scary. I'm still figuring out the subject, lecturer's lectures ( especially when they utters the special words for specific things and i'm like... wtheck is that?

also i'm still struggling with laziness of being so spoiled back in Malaysia and it's has been almost a month!

i got a new portfolio this year, as a vice secretary which i'm not really cool about it just because i think people are expecting me soo much in that field and i've been doing that job since like... school. I guess I can try.

enough with that.

Have a special November :)

Alexandrina

Assalamualaikum and hello people.

I just came back from Alexandria for a short-packed vacation with few of my buddies; I guess all of us needed to wind up a little bit before the class is starting and everything is spinning out. Actually it’s not planned at all. It just randomly come to my mind when they said they want to go there “I’m in!” .

Montazah, King Farouk Castle.

It’s quite a nice one although the first one is my favorite. I’ve been there last summer and this time is still not the same. I love that place. I love seashore; I love the sound of the smashing wave, the smell of salty water and the blue-greeny color of the sea. It’s so calming and worth it. Also we walked a lot, hell ya like 30k steps a day and I like it. I always love walking while wandering around…

excuse our tired-face lol.

Also, the people there are different from Cairo like earth and sky differ especially Syrian people who mostly working in food industries there. There’s particular restaurant that I like which is ‘Aruuus Dimasq’ or عروس دمشق at the streets of ‘Asafirah’ عصفرة  and a Syrian ice cream shop which sell one of the best ice cream in the world, Trifillo at the same place just in front of the sea. The people who works there are also nice, eye-catchy and surprisingly… they can speak English well!

I was having Faransawi Syawerma and I tell you what, it's nyummy!

the must-try ice cream here!

Not to forget, I personally think that Egyptians like native Alexandrian are differ than one in Cairo just by their common courtesy. For an instance, most of the drivers will stop/slower their vehicles and stopped others beside and behind just to let you crossed the streets and that is a very major common courtesy that I think rarely happened in Cairo. Secondly, when I was in a train and I offer an old lady my seat and she happily thanked me and asked me if there’s anything that I’m selling so that she can buy *how nice is that?* and one time we (our group) in bus one of us offered an old man a seat and he thanked him and asked my friend to leave his bag to him so it would not burden him and.. the list goes on and on.

Citadel of Qaitbay.

Sorry for this quite a long rant but I just felt like typing down this though out  and… here some of the photos that I managed to capture when I was there; or you may view it through my Instagram account.

I guess that is it. I definitely am coming back there, if I may and with that… thank you for reading.

off coldness and coziness.

Well hello October. Hello my favorite time of the year; fall/winter. I love the cold, coziness of this time when you get to be in the warmness of the blanket, having a hot cup of tea and yeah.. night get longer than day.

Class didn’t start yet so I got a few time to figuring out few things, also I finally started to read me before you by Jojo Moyes and all I can say I regret myself for watching the movie first rather than read it so that the movie will make a lot of sense. Note to self: next time, read it before watching it!

Another thing is… sports shoes here are crazily expensive! Like triple the price! I was about to buy an adidas shoes back in Malaysia but I thought I still can buy that in here but yeah… I need to think for the second time when figuring out the price, hahahaha. I ended up buying a new coat for winter since I need that anytime soon. The shoe? maybe next time.

Hurm, I’m feeling quite homesick especially the food! But yeah.. I know I belong here so, stay strong!  I don’t really worry about this semester’s subject but next semester is quite a challenge. I guess this time is not only I need to change the gear but also the maintenance. Hahahaha.

I guess that is all. Bye :)

too much to brain.

assalamuaaikum and hello.

this week, quite a lot happened ad quite a lot to brain, digest.

it's like i have a tons of things in my shoulder and i don't know how to get rid of it. I guess this will help.

I've been wanting to write this  for about few days ago but live is super hectic and busy and i ended up sleeping rather than writing this (i usually do it nightime) but now it's early in the morning.

today i'm leaving to KLIA and tomorrow i got a flight to catch at 9 am which mean i have to check in at 6 am. 2 months is too short. it's all i can say. Writing this right now, i am already homesick, missing lots of things and i don't there're a lots of things happened and i'll break it down one by one.

maybe i love my homeland, more than anything  but i guess this place doesn't belong to me at least for now. I have a lot of responsibilities and work to do over there and i guess i just have to go for it in about another 3 years.

secondly, one of who i refer as my best, best friend (actually to be exact is my teacher) is sick right now. and i feel bad to the fact that i'm not there if anything happened. all i can do right now is a hoping, praying.

lastly, to anyone who expect this blog will be written in a very very great bombastic English grammatically and writing, this is not a perfect place for you.

i not good at English AT ALL. i'm doing this just to express ,myself and the most important, to improve it. i studied with 95% of my subject in uni is in Arabic.

bye.

i, don't know.

huh.

Been a month he in Malaysia. I'm happy here but i belong to somewhere else, for the time being. I guess my plan are not really going exactly as it is but i guess it's still in the track.

i don't want to think too much about what is going on (work, stuff) over in Egypt in other words i want to enjoy this moment; as i only have about less than a month to do that, but i just can't.

also, this time being ... i've been realizing that i'm still floating. Don't know really know what i want really to do, to be in the future. okay. another rant. excuse me.

all of this because i have to choose between expectation and myself. it's easy to say that one should have follow his/her dream over other's expectation but i just don't know.

i don't have that much of courage, or this is a normal thing. It's normal to have this kinda feeling? huh.

we'll see.

sorry. everything is out of the point. actually i am pointless. aha.
till then.

gif are from http://holygrailofgifs.tumblr.com/

Success is hard, to maintain it is harder.

so i was having this conversation with on of my close acquaintance who is my ex-teacher back in school days about maintaining my exam result.

oh ya, Alhamdulillah thank Allah i pass this year.

i know maybe personal life target for anybody is different but i mean let me just define the success as not repeating another year at uni/college as fyi in Al Azhar that is a common thing.

so this year i got like 4 subjects for the first semester (which is okay) and 7 on the second semester (okay, i already got panic attack by thinking about this)plus 1 each from my last exam.
Huh, it's a long way to go.

i know that passing exam is not 100% from our self rather it's more to God's plan for us but i do think if we give our 100% to it (and of course, study smart) it'll be okay and i realized that last year i still got a few % that is still not right and i got to fix that, or this year is no chance.

also yah, i still have to juggle all the student's association work but nahh, it's not really that bad and i have everything is going to be well, and  yours too. Amin.

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." Arthur Ashe

Till then.

credit : http://holygrailofgifs.tumblr.com/

so, how is Malaysia?

so,

i am in Malaysia now. Been almost a month now and i got a month left before coming back, for another year in Egypt.

i have quite a blast before coming back to home; as we have quite an adventurous vacation in Alexandria and i'll blog that later lah. Not in that mood, hahaha.

back to the point; i get the same question from friends over in Egypt asking this question everytime;

" so, how is Malaysia?"

 okay maybe not like overall Malaysia, i'd say how is Perlis particularly as i think there're too many things going on to write over here about Malaysia for the time being. 

i would say Perlis is getting better, in development; also lots of hipster cafe growing up like mushroom after rain. Idon't get to try any of them yet but i do have a list (but still don't know when to go).

Now Perlis have Giant supermarket and still Kparc is still in development well it's nice but there's one day i went to The Store or Kangar particularly i found out that here in Kangar seems like not much of a town. I guess people already have better options like cMart (Even cMart too). I am here not to say that all of this huge improvement in the aspect of development is not good but i do think personally why bother adding another while the remaining is seems struggling?

or maybe it's just in my head. Forget it.

oh ya, one more thing.

now we got GST (before I went to Egypt there is no such thing) meaning that everything is pricier that before but my mind is still in Egypt in term of pricing of goods. hahahaha

i even bought almost RM400 of books thinking that i still can divide them like in Egyptian Pounds and now i'm broke.

huhh,

i still love my tanah tumpah darahku; 

and still got my #ProjekMenternakLemakHadiMuss going am i am on a mission to scratch the lists of food that i want to eat while in here. 

till then, bye.

oh ya, it's Syawal already.

peace be upon to you.

so been a month actually and this time of Ramadhan, do change me. everything is different and i glad it did. Also Raya is different this year with a twist of excited-ness, which i am so great full that i'm okay with the decision to stay for Raya here, in Egypt.

last night i get to chat with a friend who I've been looking forward to have a talk with him, and i gl;ad everything going well because it's been a long time since i hadn't have a long chat of big ideas and something, that realy suites me well.

then i realizes that i am very small, compared to him, even though he is in my age but the maturity of his knowledge is beyond. Beyond what he looks like. i learned that i have a lot, a lot to discover, to LEARN.

i guess this new ,month is a good start, to really plan everything right.

have a great day, People.

Ramadhan *realistic* goals.

Peace be upon to you.

This post was written with my stream of consciousness, not planned at all and I’m sorry if it’s quite random.

I know Ramadhan is already here and this post might be quite late but I always believe that you are never too late until you already done with it, and our journey is way too long. Make it count.

To some of my readers who don’t know what Ramadhan is, it is a month;  seventh month of Islamic Hijri calendar where all of Muslims fast, restraining our self from food, drinks and stuff that can break the fast, as an act of spiritual cleansing or ibadah (act of pray, I don’t have the perfect words to put here) from dust to dawn.

First. Why do we need goals at the first place? Well… I think it’s nice to have something to achieve to enhance our ability, to make this whole time because Ramadhan is the time where Allah gave a lots of His chance, rewards and based on I know (I’m an Islamic law student, and one of my favorite subject to look  up to is Islamic Jurisprudence) and in it fasting (in Ramadhan) is ‘wajib mudhayya’ the obligations with limitations where you only have one month to fast. That’s all. Why not have a good plan on making this whole time the best of us?

Okay, let’s get to the main point.

I think it would be nice if we have a top 3 goals that we really want to achieve like;

1.       Read the whole Quran in a month.

2.       Stop smoking.

3.       Donate to the people in needs

 and give our full attention and focus to this three, if you have more just put it there but know your limits and start making it work. If you have other things that you want to achieve but not really as important as your top 3, make a general list so you can always review it.

Ramadhan is a perfect time, to change our inner self, from bad habits stuff. I hope everybody is in good shape and time and this little writing helps you, or at least give you an idea on making our best Ramadhan this year.

I guess that’s all.

Bye.

credits; https://www.tumblr.com/theshawllabel